My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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