guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
