so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
