this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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