you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
