I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
