We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
