wakey wakey hands off snakey
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
