Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
