So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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