Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
