Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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