my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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