I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
