Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I've blown a few things in my day
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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