Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Randomize
