Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
