apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
