Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
