I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i drank out of a bidet.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
