I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
