Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
