Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
