see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
