I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
