This is not my ceiling
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
