I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
