I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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