Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
