Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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