Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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