I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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