Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
