just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
