I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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