I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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