are you still at the devil's house?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
