I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.