Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
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what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?