I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes