Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.