Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
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my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.