I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
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I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK