I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."