do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
