Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
