Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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