That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
