Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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