My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
