For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i came on her dog
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
