She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He shit in the fireplace
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
