Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
