Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
