he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
