if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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