but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
