Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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