Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
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