I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
