Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
