Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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