Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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