kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
