my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
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they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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