My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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