I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
