I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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