Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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